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PLOG: Hospital Visits (Part 2)

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Lots of people have been asking how am I and why am I always going to the hospital. Thank you all for asking <3 But honestly it's a long story but just a summary, doctors found a lump in my stomach that could become Cancer  in 5-10 years if not treated. If you got more questions, read the PART 1 first then ask me la. A little tired of answering everyone and honestly I wish this was just a nightmare I can wake up from.

I know it's not like I am dying right away but to go through this entire process of procedures and hearing the biopsy report from the doctors is draining me emotionally. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me cry because I never expected myself to have a lump or to use so much of my insurance at the age of 22. Honestly what if one day when I am 40 and I need it the most? What then? I also feel so bad having my family go through this with me. It's bad enough that we are all busy with our daily lives but to add another factor to it? Another burden? ): Haihs.

It's gonna be a very emotional post. I ain't even kidding. I just came back from the doctors today about my second biopsy report and I just broke down. I sound like such a kid right? Not sure why I am so emotional now. Could either be the raging hormones or just some other stuff going around in my head. Either way is, I gotta get the lump remove...

In this post, is about my second scope and the second biopsy report.
You have been warned. Go read the other post if you don't wanna be bored.

I been thinking on how to write about this. There is just so many things that I encounter in the hospital that I felt wasn't fair or felt fishy about it la. Anyways read and then tell me what would you have done if you were in my shoes?


14/4/2014- Second Scope (Endoscopic Ultrasound - EUS)

Got up early for my scope at 9am. Had to be at the hospital by 8.30am. As usual, I fasted since 12am. So there was nothing but water in my stomach. I only got to do the scope at 9.30am. Oh Malaysian timing, forever like that one. But yeah. Before the doctor and nurses came to push me away, had to take my weight and change into the hospital gown. Took some pictures while waiting. Somehow talking pictures while waiting helped to calm myself down before the second scope. So yeah. Btw I was at day care unit, means I just come in the morning and could leave at the afternoon :)

My view while waiting next to the weighting machine.
That is the nurse area? Haha. They keep records and some medication there.

My view while I was on my temporary bed.
Can you see my hospital gown?

After changing to my gown, they gave me the usual stuff to read before going for the scope. I love how they will always scare you with this RIGHT BEFORE YOU go for the scope. Why couldn't have they gave me to read it the moment I came or a day before when I was booking for a scope? ):

Read the bottom part wei, all of the risks that could happen.

The procedure part was there. I practically read it 10-15 times. 
Especially the part where it states that the procedure would take 20-30 minutes

It was bad enough that the first scope was horrible and it was only 5 minutes long done by Dr. G. Felt so worry because I remember how painful the first scope was and the aftermath of the scope, where I couldn't talk much due to the sore throat. This time the second scope would be perform by Datin Dr. S. Sound damn posh right? Well I never saw her before the scope and I only had a chance to see a few minutes before the scope where she came to introduce herself while I was already all prep for the EUS at the scope room. Sound so distance right?

Imagine la, here I am scare already. On the bed with a room of 3 nurses and her ready to put camera and some scissor thingy (They need it to cut some tissues of the lump for biopsy) all in the scope tube down from my throat and to my stomach. I tried my best to calm down. Before the scope started, they had to put some needle thingy on my hand and only injecting water, that is what i remember the doctor say la. At first there was no sedation or anything given to calm me down. They sprayed about 5-8 times at my tongue and throat, for it to get numb. I think was drooling. Immediately the pain and the gagging reflex started. I also had some plastic thing in my mouth to make sure that my mouth is wide open the whole time for the scope. Don't know why but it really hurt my mouth at that time.

After the started pushing the scope in me, I tried my best to endure. It was really uncomfortable and I just wanted to vomit everything I had out of me. 5 minutes pasted and I couldn't take it anymore, tears started to come down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. The doctor noticed and place me on two sedation liquid. Soon after that, I knocked off with tears still flowing down my eyes.

Woke up half an hour after the scope.

The needle thingy on my arm

Felt so weak along with a really really really SORE throat. It just burns la. Felt that my mouth was also painful but didn't know why.

Couldn't really move, had to just lie on the bed not moving for another 20 minutes.

I notice that a lot of nurse kept coming to me and try to calm me down. I was already calm down and I kept thinking do I look bad or am I still crying without realizing? There wasn't a mirror where I was, so I used my phone as a mirror. And oh gosh, I have never ever cried so much until my face looked like that!

My face for the entire day.
Check out my swollen lips and eyes ):

The nurses were really sweet and they remember how hungry I should be after the scope. Around 10.45am-ish, they gave me some food.

Heaven to my heart and stomach

After being more awake and fed, around 11am, I requested to talk to Datin Dr S about how my scope went. It took her awhile to arrive as she was busy. She talked to me and I listened la. She said once she saw that I had the sedation I slept through the entire EUS (Scope) and she generally ask how was I feeling. Note this is my first time talking to her after the procedure. She also mention that she did not see anything to be worry about while she was doing the scope on me but she has sent a few samples to the laboratory for the biopsy report. Before I could ask any questions, she ran off because she got another scope to perform on another patient.

Dad went to make some calls while I waited on the bed. After a while I notice Datin Dr S was at the nurse area and took my chance to ask her the questions that I have been meaning to ask. So I asked her what was the difference of the first and second scope. She drew a diagram for me and I scribble down notes while she talk.
The diagram

So she pretty much sum up the second scope as know which location is the lump at and how big or which layer of the stomach wass it at. As you can see from the picture, the lump is located at the submucosa. While the first scope, was to investigate my stomach situation, which was done by Dr G. After explaining this, Datin Dr. S then left me again and my dad went to pay the bills.

At that time waiting back at the bed for me, I couldn't understand why my mouth hurt so much. i decided to check it with my phone again since there was no mirror around. I purposely made the next picture as small as I can because I don't wanna gross you all out (You can click the picture to enlarge it, if you really wanna see it). There was a mark in my bottom inner lip. I think it happened because of the plastic mouth thingy I had to bite during the scope. FYI it only stop hurting after 3 days later. Could literally feel like there was a circle outline on my inner lip.

Feeling all grossed out?

Well you should have watch the CD of my second scope. It was nasty the way they kept poking my lump to take out the tissue and the amount of blood flowed out in my stomach :/

Forgotten to remove my nail polish before the scope
None of the nurses cared. Guess it ain't true that nail polish ain't allowed for patients in the hospital. Haha

Remember earlier above I said that it's fishy in the hospital? Well, see the initial visit of Dr S and the second visit  of Dr S. I just find it so ridiculous that she is getting paid RM200 to just ask how I am doing and then run off to her next scope procedure. FYI she is getting paid RM1.7K++ for the scope procedure. Okay I know not all of the money is going to her, but still. This time the second scope was double the price of me being overnight in the hospital and having my first scope!

Money fly away

Was sore the whole day. I wasn't quite myself and looking back, I think that was the day that got me to feel all emotional even until now. If I don't talk to you, it's not because I don't wanna talk to you, just that I guess I am lost in my thoughts now. Been a little reserve lately and I ain't liking the change that is happening to me):


21/04/2014 - Second Scope

Today. Today was the day to find out whats up with the lump. I was nervous la but I just kept echo-ing Dr. S words in my ear. If you don't remember what she said, scroll to the top and find the sentence with the red words. This appointment is with Mr. G, explaining to me about the second biopsy.

I don't know where to start on this, because what I heard what Mr. G said, literally tore my soul apart from my body. Okay I am getting ahead of myself... let me start from the beginning.

9.50AM - Reached the hospital then for my appointment.

Waiting for my turn to see the busy doctor

So once we got in, he sighed. He literary sigh. I was like doctor, don't sigh when you are about to tell me about my biopsy report. He then mention, though during the second scope when Dr S said that she saw nothing worrying about your lump, the report says otherwise.

See the part I bracket it

From the tone and the way he spoke I knew what was the next thing he wanted us to do. Which is to take the lump out of me. I asked him how would he do it? He said, he is not qualify, nor is Dr S to do the procedure on me. Then I asked, who then would do it? He then talked about two doctors, one in Princeton Hospital and another in University Hospital.

The moment I heard Priceton, I started to mentally count the amount of money that would be needed for the removal of my 1cm lump and trust me, my heart stopped while counting. I wanted that moment to end and for us all to stop coming to the hospital to pay things that are unnecessary. He called the doctor at Princeton Hospital first and talked about my situation. The doctor there said that he is uncomfortable to do it as he haven't had much practice in it.

The names of my first two scope

Hearing that the doctor said that and Dr G saying that NO ONE in Sime Darby could do it, really made me wonder, why can't you all do it? FYI this removal would be Endoscopic Submucosa Disection (ESD). Feel like I know a lot of scope jargon now. heh. So then he called the doctor at University Hospital and he told Dr G that he is only available on this Thursday. Guess who is gonna see him then? -.-

The third scope

This would last an hour LONG scope. I seriously can't imagine me going through the whole process of me gagging and crying again. I seriously hope they put me to sleep this time. Then again, I hope that I would wake up after that :/ Scary shizz right? I was thinking about all of that shizz during the talk with the doctor. Made the doctor write down a few of the stuff that he said, because most of it didn't really made sense until I went home to wiki them all.

How the 3rd scope would be like

This was one of the best picture I could find. Try googling, "Endoscopic Submucosa Disection (ESD)" and view the pictures from that search. You won't want to eat anything after seeing them. After talking to the doctor for about 15-20 minutes. We left. 

I never knew how hearing all this could be so scary, especially when it's you, that is the sick one. I don't know if I make any sense now but it just tore me apart and I thought about everything. Like how it would have been better if I didn't go for my first scope or the fact that I could just study without any worries. Ugh. So many things just came at once and thank goodness for staircase at the hospital. I guess, now I know that is one of the reasons why people go there now.

Honestly la, I guess what hit me the most was, they kept assuring me that is nothing and then hit me with another bomb. Oh the C word came out again at the consultation. Stupid Cancer. WTC la. Enough with all the cancer scares. It does more harm to the patient la. At least now I have less responsibilities as really, I think I am one heck of an emotional wreck.

We had to pay close to RM100 just to have 15-20 minutes of the doctor's time
And half the time he was refering us to the other doctors at other hospitals.

________________________________________________________________________

Seriously, whoever that is about to be a doctor, congrats on your high pay salary. Just consultation alone can be more than my first scope already (Refer to the first bill). I don't hate doctors, just that, if you know you are charging so much, please give me a clearer detail and don't keep giving me your post it notes but give me a proper paper with information of my situation. 

Hope none of you go through this <3 

Worry about me? 
Vote for me first then call me or text me if you wanna know more.
The digi contest will award me with 20k, at least I can return the money to my mom for my insurance bills.
It's a daily thing. I really appreciate each VOTE you all help me with <3

Anyways have a good week ahead
xx
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4 comments

  1. OMG! Hope you will get well soon! Will keep you in my prayers! God bless you <3

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  3. It sounds as though you were able to stay strong through this whole ordeal. I know it is touch but you can do it. In the end you will be a healthier person because of it. During times like this it always seems like something new keeps popping up doesn't it? You will heal in time and they this will be an interesting story later.

    Jason Hayes @ DECORM

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Jess is an adventurous Malaysian girl with a soft spot for food, shoes and all things romantic. She loves fashion and traveling too. Diversity excites her, therefore she would tend to try out everything she gets a chance to ✌ [It's Jessy] (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-03f5fetL2yM/VcjMybyGvRI/AAAAAAAAk_Q/HSNlhlRdbRI/s1600/11428132_938657246181010_1642264289_n.jpg)